A Letter

Dear Girls,

I might have had the chance all day to write this letter/post, but I've definitely been putting it off. I've become particularly good at putting things off. I now have several drawings of characters in my room and pencils all over my bed. And a new post waiting to go up on my blog. 

I've been putting this off because I don't want to think about how I've changed. Because I know I really have changed, I've changed a lot. Even thinking about the changes I've been through in the last year is amazing. 

To start with, I cut my hair. I cut a lot off my hair, something that has not been done in a very long time for me. I've also dyed a streak purple, then I dyed that bit blue, and not it needs to be redone again. I have glasses and I've been very careful about who I tell about that because I think they change my appearance drastically. I've grown again, goodness knows how that keeps happening. And my skin is finally darker than porcelain! it only took all summer and a lot of sunscreen. It's exhausting just putting the stuff on. 

But aside from visible changes, I've changed as a person too. I think that started after I'd been away from home for seven weeks last summer. Then I went to college and I had to adapt to my new life. That meant learning to teach myself things and being able to choose what I was wearing every single day, no more uniform. I think I find where my courage has been hiding for several years because now I can talk to random people at the drop of a hat, public speaking isn't a huge issue and I'm comfortable in groups with more than four other people. I sing in front of people. I'm confident in myself. 

Now I can talk to random people in the Canberra Centre in French. I can take criticism about my writing and use it to make the piece better. I'm not worried about what other people think as much. And maybe that's just part of growing up. 

There's a line in a Taylor Swift song that goes "I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it." The funny thing is I'm not trying to find whoever I was, because I love who I am now. I like the way I dress, act, talk and think. I've very happy with College Zara, particulary because she no longer works at the multinational cholesterol, sugar and burger joint starting with M which I cannot mention for legal reasons, mostly I don't want to be sued. 

That's not to say I hate the other Zara, I was always remember the girl who had big dreams. I will always remember being that girl, staying up late emailing Enesti, dragging Hazel into the group, playing make believe with Nira even though we were at high school, walking with Rose on Mondays. I can't forget her because without her, I wouldn't be me know. She may have had violent tendencies, throwing text books, she may have wanted desperately to be seen for something other than her grades, she may not have known what was going to happen after those boys said they liked her, but she is the reason I have you girls. And for that, I cannot thank her enough. 

 Now as I face my last year at school, the year I turn 18, I realise just how much I've changed and how that is a very good thing. \

Lots of Love from Zara